How Can I Help Part III

When we are faced with opposition from another person, our immediate tendency is to become defensive, to react angrily or even with violence toward those who disagree with us. In the story given by the man on a train in the presence of a drunkard, the narrator prepares himself to fight the man in order to protect the others on the train. However, he never was given the chance, as a small Japanese man on the train found a way to calm the man down by connecting with him, asking him why he was so angry. For most, finding compassion in ourselves for those who oppose us is no easy feat. Why should we help someone who hates us? If someone appears violent, you don't ask how they're doing, you react with violence in turn. And yet throughout history, we are given countless examples of how treating opposition with respect leads to reconciliation; a long lasting understanding and acceptance of one another. The Civil Rights movement, one of the greatest upheavals in recent American history, was grounded in the thought that reacting without anger would accomplish one's aims far more successfully than violence. "So the nonviolent approach does not immediately change the heart of the oppressor. It first does something to the hearts and souls of those committed to it. . . Finally, it reaches the opponent and so stirs his conscience that reconciliation becomes a reality. -Martin Luther King, Jr." (Dass, Gorman 181) This concept is so difficult because it feels so counter intuitive. An eye for an eye justice seems a much easier course. But hatred solves nothing, and is as painful to us as those we choose to resent. Acceptance and understanding fulfill us, make the world somehow simpler and less imposing. We all must learn to step back, be aware of this human shortcoming, and condition ourselves to instead react with compassion.

A way that Dass suggests that we learn to do just this, to step back from what we feel and observe without judgement, is called the Witness. This process allows us to "reperceive" a given situation, "that stance behind experience in which we merely acknowledge what is, without judgement of ourselves or of others." (Dass, Gorman 187) As Dass explains, planting ourselves in situations wherein we wish to help others can lead us to take failures in doing so much too personally. What before was an act of service suddenly becomes selfish. In the same way that we take opposition too personally, we then have a tendency to react with anger, frustration, or to give up- something Dass calls "burnout'". The Witness is a way of alleviating this internalization of frustration, guilt, or mounting prejudice by taking an issue for what it is, rather than allowing our perception to cloud judgement. For me, these thoughts had the profound affect of self-realization. Whether it be a personal issue, or one that involves another, my constant evaluation of "how I'm handling this" leads to so much stress that I can no longer view the situation with a clear mind. My mother calls it "not seeing the forest for the tress": a saying shes very fond of when it comes to my reactant tendencies. Even the smallest matters can become over complicated due to my constant analysis. Burnout ensues. It feels as if a solution has finally presented itself in a way I can connect with. I hope that in my relationships and in service, I will remember the Witness, and try to step back. To react with compassion and understanding rather than anger and prejudice. And to be a little less hard on myself.